tknoegel

21 December 2015

Through a child we see the glory of the Lord

Sometimes this child –
Oh, sometimes
Sometimes this child makes me crazy
Crazy enough to forget
that in my hands she is most precious
and I am moved to remove her from the face of the earth
to strike a rock and sacrifice my promise for her silence
to rip stones to pieces and destroy the evidence of things that cannot be changed
to tear my clothes and beg for my own life to be finished
O, Lord, if You love me!
If You love me, then save me now from the burden of this foolish heart
This foolish heart that mocks Your provision with forgetfulness
This foolish heart that tempts Your grace with moanings and murmurings
This foolish heart that hates Your righteousness and rebukes Your love
She must be crazy
But maybe not as crazy as I
who have been before her in self-imposed exile
wherein I may have found an affect of joy
but always felt just slightly removed from it
I, who have been there, and also here
in the inexpressible intangible totality of God
whose light helps me to see how I was so much the same as this child
and my God –
my God!
My God, who surely wept at my stupidity,
showed me a great mercy I did not deserve
while I clung to my misconceptions
He conceived a child to be everything I am not
and everything I was supposed to be
without spot or blemish
firstborn, consecrated, raised up, anointed,
and faithful to His longsuffering Father
then all the things I imagine should be for this child –
my child –
myself –
He poured upon His own flesh and blood
 the lash
  the nails
   the tree
    the tomb
“Don’t you see that I know?” He whispers
“Don’t you know that you don’t know what you’re asking for?
But look!
See that because the price is paid
I have all My love for you
Because you have My love then you can share it
Because it is free, then who are you to demand a profit?”
He teaches me that grace is difficult
that love is a hard choice to make
but, verily, I say to thee,
love is the only choice worth making

1 comment:

Tsunae said...

Just wait at the window. One day you'll see her on the horizon.